Ok ok I know…I am a terrible blogger! I really don’t have any excuses for not updating in such a long while. My meager attempt at an excuse might be that I have been out of town this last week very, very busy. But I realize that’s not even half of an excuse…
Anyway, I have been really stressed about my spendings lately. I went to Wisconsin last weekend to visit the boy’s family. It was a bundle of fun, but also quite a blow to my wallet. I ended up renting the car for 4 days since *someone* has terrible saving sense and spent all of his money on bills the month prior (cough, cough). But that’s ok. I feel good about contributing to some of the expenses for the both of us. It’s just that I wasn’t expecting to spend so much when my total budget for this month was less than $200 and I had already spent a bunch on more gifts for friends and stupid retail therapy…
Yes, that’s right. I caved. I had a stressful day yesterday and ended up taking a drive that ended me up at Michael’s. I have been needing some art supplies to get started on my painting for a while, so I guess it wasn’t entirely frivolous. But I should have gone into it much more savvy-like. As a mere human with infinite rationalizing and excuse-making abilities, I keep saying this was an investment for my future art business. And it is. But I still feel icky about spending so spur of the moment. It’s not about my getting a new pretty easel 50% off when I needed one desperately anyway. It’s not about my justifying it by saying now I can paint. I could have painted without an easel and artist’s board. So I am stuck between excuses and necessity. *sigh*
I do hate spending without thinking. The worst thing is that I was fully aware that I was stress-shopping when I was doing it; my boyfriend even vocalized my thoughts when he saw me digging through the clearance bin. It’s true. But now I have what I need to really paint without making any more excuses. I need to get started.
That’s what this is really about. Now I really don’t have an excuse not to do the things I have been meaning to do for so long. That scares me. The potential for failure and disappointment is ever closer. I’m sure many people can relate. It’s why most people never achieve the things they were destined for. I have to stop pretending that more things are what’s going to make me happy and let me achieve.
Amazing how this blog has turned into so much more than just clothing purchases. I kinda had a feeling it would, but it’s interesting to actually see it manifest this way.
Thanks for listening to my rant. Here’s a little eye candy from my trip: